


The "Thing"

by Tenukii



Series: Good Omens [4]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Office, F/M, Tumblr Ask Box Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 12:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19812628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tenukii/pseuds/Tenukii
Summary: When co-managers Gabriel and Beelzebub meet for their weekly evening at the bar, they realize there's a disturbing rumor about them floating around the office.





	The "Thing"

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by an anon prompt in my Tumblr ask box.

“Crowley hazz been taking home office suppliezz,” Beelzebub announced, as soon as she and Gabriel had settled down at their usual table with their usual drinks at their usual bar after work on Friday.

“Has he.” Gabriel didn’t seem particularly interested, which surprised her: normally he was very stringent about wastefulness. Now, he only looked down at his drink instead of launching into the rant she’d expected. Beelzebub frowned but explained anyway.

“Paper clipzz. He’zz been taking them home one at a time for the past two yearzz.”

That, at least, got Gabriel’s attention.

“ _Paper clips_? And he’s taking what, one a day?” he scoffed. “What’s the big deal?”

“That’s five-hundred paper clipzz!” growled Beelzebub. “He showed me a picture of the chain he’zz made with them. It’zz over seventeen meterzz long!”

Gabriel blinked his violet eyes. “That. . . that is a lot of paper clips. How did you catch him?”

“He ran out of paper clipzz at his desk in the middle of a project, and when he azzked for more, Dagon realizzed how many boxezz he’zz been through. Crowley admitted it after that.” Beelzebub sighed heavily and sipped at her drink. “He said he did it to see how long it took us to notizze.”

“Mmn. Did you fire him?” When Beelzebub shook her head, Gabriel said, “ _I_ would have fired him.”

“I told him to bring them all back on Monday. After he’zz unhooked them all. I’m sure he’ll have a lovely weekend.”

Gabriel chuckled, “I suppose that’s punishment enough.” Seeing his smile relaxed Beelzebub, which she guessed was the whole point of their weekly meetings at the bar. As co-managers, she and Gabriel both needed the opportunity to vent about their subordinates and to relax in the company of someone they trusted. That thought still seemed strange to Beelzebub— _I trust him_ —but it was the truth. No one but Gabriel could understand and sympathize with her position, and Beelzebub had come to look forward to their meetings.

That made it especially annoying now, when Gabriel was distracted. He had returned his attention to his drink, fidgeting with the glass and taking small, nervous sips from it. Beelzebub slouched back in her chair and watched him until he glanced up.

“I, ah—I’m going to get another drink,” Gabriel mumbled. “Do you want one?”

Beelzebub had barely touched hers, but she nodded anyway. Gabriel got to his feet and went back up to the bar, and while she waited for him to come back, Beelzebub tried to decide if she should ask him what was wrong. They never asked about each other’s personal lives—not that Beelzebub had much of one—but something was clearly bothering Gabriel that evening.

Before she could make up her mind, Gabriel returned with two drinks. He passed one to Beelzebub then sat down across from her again.

“Any other trouble this week with your lot?” he asked. “Mine have mostly behaved themselves. Even Aziraphale, although I did catch him reading at his desk again.”

Beelzebub shrugged. “No trouble. Oh, but Hastur and Ligur’zz anniverzzary izz coming up. I suppozze we should take up money for a gift, although Hell only knowzz what we should get them.”

“Gift card.” Gabriel shook his finger at her while he lifted his glass to his lips with his other hand. After he swallowed, he went on, “Always a good idea. And I’ll get an anniversary card for everyone to sign. Problem solved.”

“Not quite. They’re having a party, and they expect uzz to come,” Beelzebub sighed.

“Uzz—I mean, us who? This is the first I’ve heard about it.”

“That’zz right, I forgot. . . .” Beelzebub fumbled in an inner pocket of her jacket and pulled out an envelope, which she tossed on the table in front of Gabriel. “Ligur gave me an invitation addressed to you and me both, for some reazzon.”

“Oh.” Gabriel stared at their names on the envelope, then picked it up to take out the invitation.

“I hate partiezz,” Beelzebub grumbled. “Besidezz, who wantzz to spend time on the weekend with the same people we see at work all week?”

Gabriel was studying the invitation, which also had both their names on it. He pointed out, “It would be bad form not to go. It’s next Saturday—you don’t already have other plans, do you?”

“No, do you?” When Gabriel shook his head, Beelzebub said, “We might azz well go, then. Maybe make up an excuse to leave early and come over here instead?”

Gabriel didn’t answer her; he still seemed absorbed by the invitation. Beelzebub sighed and gave up on being discreet. She kicked him under the table and demanded, “What’zz the matter with you? You’re not acting like yourzzelf.”

“Nothing’s the matter!” Gabriel said quickly. “It’s just. . . been a long week, is all.” Beelzebub raised one dark eyebrow and fixed her eyes on his until he glanced away.

“Something’zz bothering you, Gabe,” she insisted.

At first, he repeated, “It’s nothing,” but then he picked up the invitation and flapped it in the air between them as he asked, “Why do you think they put both our names on this?”

“Probably ran out of them and had to double up,” Beelzebub suggested.

“No, I think it’s because—everybody thinks—” Finally Gabriel met Beelzebub’s eyes again, and he said, “Everybody thinks we’re a—a ‘thing.’”

“A ‘thing’?”

Gabriel said rather dismally, “That’s what Uriel called it. Today she flat out asked me if you and I are a. . . ‘thing.’”

“Hmph,” Beelzebub huffed, “we may not be the mozzt popular bozzezz of all time, but that hardly meritzz name-calling! I hope you set her straight—”

“No, _listen_ —she meant a _couple_. They all think we’re a. . . a couple. Dating. _Together_.”

Beelzebub stared at Gabriel, too stunned to respond at first. When she did speak, her distress made her usually mild speech impediment strong.

“She azzumezzzz— _assumes_ that about uzz? And Hazztur and Ligur think it too?”

“ _Everybody,_ Bee. They _all_ think it.”

“What in the Hell makezz them think that—that _you_ and, and _me_ —that we. . . .” She trailed off, feeling her face burning, because she knew _exactly_ why they thought that: _Because we’re always together—on breaks, after work, on the weekends. . . . Because he’s the only one I can talk to about things, the only person who really understands me. Because if I **was** with anyone, I would be with him._

Meanwhile, Gabriel had slumped back in his chair and flicked the invitation down on the table. He muttered, “Yeah, what would make them think that. We’re not even friends.”

“Right. We’re not. . . friendzz,” Beelzebub echoed. True, she had never consciously thought of Gabriel as a friend before—but what, then, _was_ he? Not much of anything, she thought unhappily, if Uriel’s question had upset him that much.

“I guezz we shouldn’t go to the party together then,” she muttered aloud. “Here, you keep the invitation. I already wrote the information down.”

“What?” Gabriel looked at her, and after she averted her eyes, he went on, “No, it’s—we still can go together. They addressed it to both of us.”

“But if we do, they’ll all think _that_. That we’re a _thing_ ,” Beelzebub mumbled, “and since that botherzz you—”

“I didn’t say it bothered me, I just—hadn’t ever thought of it before.”

Beelzebub retorted, “You’ve been worrying about it all evening! I know your image izz important to you, but you’re upzzet juzzt because of some rumorzz.”

“What does my image have to do with anything?” Gabriel protested.

“Aren’t you worried it makezz you look bad?”

Gabriel countered, “That what does, being with you? Of course not! _That_ doesn’t bother me at all, I just. . . didn’t know what _you_ would think. And you didn’t like it, so. . . that’s the end of it.”

“The end of what? Uzz?” Beelzebub thought of no more meetings over drinks, no more quick chats on break at work, no more being whatever it was they were. She looked back at him unhappily and said, “I don’t want that, Gabriel.”

“I don’t either,” Gabriel murmured. “I don’t mind what anyone thinks, if you don’t.”

“I don’t mind.” Beelzebub rarely smiled, but she tried smiling at Gabriel. In return, he broke out in a wide smile of his own. He reached out and covered one of her hands with his, startling her. His hand felt nice though, large and warm.

After a moment of thought, Beelzebub asked, “Gabe—what did you tell Uriel when she azzked you about uzz?”

“Uh, nothing, really. I think I said something about it not being any of her business.” Gabriel studied her face then prompted her, “Why?”

“Maybe we should really mezz with them—the next time someone azzkzz if we’re a ‘thing,’ tell them yezz.”

Gabriel’s hand twitched over hers; then he wrapped his fingers around her hand and held it.

“That would certainly teach somebody some kind of lesson,” he replied with a soft laugh. “Probably us, but it would be worth it to see the looks on their faces. We’d have to be convincing though—we’ll need to practice being a ‘thing.’ Are you okay with that?”

“I think so,” Beelzebub murmured. When Gabriel licked his lips and started to lean forward, she leaned in closer too. Gabriel rose slightly out of his chair, tilted his head, and kissed her. It was a small kiss, just the brush of his lips against hers, but when he started to draw back, Beelzebub leaned farther forward and pressed their mouths together again. Then they both sat back in their chairs with their hands still clasped and looked at one another.

After a few seconds, Gabriel said, “I don’t think we have to practice, Bee. I think we’re already a ‘thing.’”

Beelzebub considered this, then replied, “Yezz. I think we are too.”

\--

The End


End file.
